Jacksonville, FL—Southern Nutrition Health Foods crashed into an innocent car today. Authorities have long warned about the young building and cautioned it about its behavior in traffic. Fortunately, after many prayers, the car is expected to recover. Florida continues to lead the U.S. in buildings crashing into cars.
8:26 pm • 7 March 2014 • 1 note
Bellingham, WA—Hiding behind federal protection laws, post offices continue to brazenly attack in The War on Cars. Fortunately, the car is expected to fully recover.
10:02 am • 2 March 2014
Philadelphia, PA—A Crown Fried Chicken Restaurant brutally crashed into a car from New Jersey, a state surprisingly not responsible for more building crashes. This might have been a typical incident in the City of Brotherly Love up until the moment that a man emerged from the car, disrobed, and began manual operation of his dink, to find pleasure during a sorrow-filled occasion.
8:18 am • 29 January 2014 • 6 notes
Grand National Roadster Show—In a defiant moment of clear prejudicial bias, a judge crashed into a hot rod in action before the doorway to the building joined in on the attack. Fortunately, the hot rod is expected to recover and the judge has been disbarred. Pro-car advocates are breathing fire over the incident.
8:14 am • 29 January 2014
Kissimmee, FL—A renegade check cashing place in the state leading building crashes, installed a “Drive-Thru” sign to trick cars into a compromised position before crashing into them. A class action suit is expected
11:37 am • 20 January 2014
America—Presumed to result from anxiety of people stuck in cars, gyms all over the U.S. have been crashing into traffic, ironically preventing people from being able to use the gym.
12:05 pm • 8 January 2014
Brooklyn, NY—Fresh Fanatic, a bodega grocery, baited a car with a fake sign advertising “Free Parking.” When the car went to park inside the store, the building lunged at the car, crashing through it. Authorities have yet to issue a citation to the building.
10:44 am • 12 November 2013 • 1 note
Milwaukee, OR—An unhelmeted building that was not surrounded by a concrete barricade crashed into a speeding car. Liberal media continues to blame the car. Make your voice heard!
2:00 pm • 25 October 2013 • 3 notes
Portland, OR—The Oregon Department of Transportation, a conservative pro-car, pro-freedom lobbying group, won a decisive victory today when a Taco Bell dining room crashed into a car. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back and at long last all restaurants will, by law, exclusively offer drive thru service as dining rooms pose an ongoing threat to cars.
9:51 pm • 21 October 2013
Staten Island, NY—A sidewalk was found to be incompatible with a speeding SUV shortly after a house had crashed it. Both are being prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
9:56 pm • 29 September 2013 • 1 note