Milwaukee, OR—An unhelmeted building that was not surrounded by a concrete barricade crashed into a speeding car. Liberal media continues to blame the car. Make your voice heard!
Portland, OR—The Oregon Department of Transportation, a conservative pro-car, pro-freedom lobbying group, won a decisive victory today when a Taco Bell dining room crashed into a car. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back and at long last all restaurants will, by law, exclusively offer drive thru service as dining rooms pose an ongoing threat to cars.
Staten Island, NY—A sidewalk was found to be incompatible with a speeding SUV shortly after a house had crashed it. Both are being prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Indianapolis, IN—In a classic bullying scenario, several cars and an apartment building all crashed into an SUV. “We have long warned of the dangerous effects that bullying can have on cars, especially SUV’s, sometimes damaging them beyond repair.” said the local chief of police. “Let this be a warning to cars.”
Janesboro, AR—An apartment building without the recommend concrete barricade made a wrong turn and crashed through a red Buick, leaving two families homeless. Fortunately, the car is expected to recover. Authorities assure everyone that driving is still very safe.
Edmonton, AB—New York Pizza & Donair crashed into a gray sedan, doing a vast amount of damage to the restaurant.
Knoxville, TN—Lacking a concrete barricade, an apartment building crashed into a passing car.
Reading, PA— God’s Worship & Praise Temple crashed into a car today, also injuring a man named “Christman.” Authorities are reluctant to acknowledge whether or not “Christman” is the second coming of Christ and whether the church building or the car represents the roman empire in this metaphor.
Topeka, KS—Twice in three hours building attacked cars within the downtown core. The first building crashed into two cars that had previously collided (or collided as a result of the building, reports differ) and the second was the result of a building losing control in traffic. Several people were seen fleeing from the offending building shortly after the crash. Protected by a traditional Kansas liberal soft-on-crime approach, the buildings will not be demolished. Neither building had a helmet or a concrete barricade around it.